Ready or Not, Here We Go
by newt-bucky
Summary: The voice laughed. "I'm inside your head Anthony. We're all inside your head. And I'll show the terror it holds to all your teammates, so they can see the real Tony Stark." The team is kidnapped by a mysterious man with special powers, how will they react when they see Tony's memories one by one and discover that he is not at all who he seems to be?
1. Chapter 1

Tony! Tony!"

Tony Stark woke with a jolt. Pepper was right beside him, shaking his arm. Only after that Tony realized he was still clutching the white sheets and there were drops of sweat on his forehead.  
"You were screaming." said Pepper, looking at Tony with a worried expression.  
"I'm fine, Pep. Go back to sleep." The worried expression on Pepper's face didn't go away, so Tony planted a little kiss on her forehead and said "I'm fine, okay? You need to sleep, you have a long flight tomorrow."  
"Alright" said Pepper with a rather sad smile on her face. Tony was right. She needed to rest. She was flying to Europe first thing in the morning for a board meeting. She lied back down as Tony exited the room.  
He had no idea where he was going, he just needed to get out, get some fresh air. He tiptoed to the door before any of the Avengers heard him and came to see what he was doing in the middle of the night. They had moved in shortly after the Battle of New York. Bruce came first, as he had nowhere to go and he actually enjoyed being around the billionaire. Tony was the only person who didn't look at Bruce like he was a bomb that could explode any minute. He trusted Bruce to control the other guy and even made jokes about it. Everyone else thought it would hurt or intimidate Bruce, but he actually quite enjoyed it and laughed at most of Tony's jokes. Nobody else had approached him like this before. Bruce had said no to coming to the tower at first, to be polite, but after seeing the lab and the floors Tony designed for each of the Avengers, he had agreed.

Natasha and Clint came short after, intending to stay only a few days until they found new covers and a safe house, but the billionaire had already designed floors for both of them, so why not stay? After spending two days at the tower, they had agreed. Thor came a week after Natasha and Clint, saying he wanted to stay in Midgard to learn their traditions. Steve was the last one to come. He actually didn't want to owe anyone anything and he thought he could manage on his own. But staying in his empty little apartment for two days all alone with nothing to do, he thought maybe moving to the tower was a good idea. Tony enjoyed being around the team, even if they didn't go along sometimes and their personalities were very different. He felt like he had a proper family for the first time.  
A black van passing by Tony loudly distracted his thoughts. He had walked a long way without even thinking, he didn't recognize the street he was standing on. He hadn't even changed his clothes. He was trying to figure out a way to go back to the tower when something heavy hit his head and large hands carried him to the black van as he lost consciousness.

* * *

"Have you seen Tony?" asked Bruce to the first person that entered the common floor, which happened to be Steve.  
"No, why?"  
"We were supposed to work on something in the lab together but I can't find him in the tower. Jarvis said he left in the middle of the night." said Bruce.  
At that moment Natasha and Clint entered the common floor together and Natasha quickly noticed the worried look on Bruce's face.  
"What's wrong?" she asked curiously.  
"We can't find Tony." Steve said.  
"I'm sure he's fine, probably wandered off somewhere." said Clint.  
Thor entered to the common room and repeated Natasha's words when he saw four of his teammates all standing up in a circle.  
At the exact same moment, a grey gas covered the floor and left the Avengers unconscious.

* * *

Tony was watching in horror as his teammates all lost consciousness and dropped on the floor in seconds. He was tied to a chair in a small room, with nothing but a large screen and camera facing where Tony was tied.

"How did they override Jarvis?" he whispered to himself. It was one of the best systems in the world; Tony had designed the AI himself. There was no way someone could hack it and bypass all the security systems in the tower. The tower would have locked itself down, giving the team a chance to defend themselves.

Now Tony was starting to get worried, the air around him felt thin and he felt the arc reactor's heaviness on his chest, choking him, leaving him with no air to breathe. It was so obvious; the black van had just passed right in front of him. Any of his teammates would have noticed something wrong, maybe looked out for danger, but he had done nothing except standing in the middle of the sidewalk looking in the air, making himself an extremely easy target. Now his teammates were captured because of him. He had messed up once again. He felt like crying, not just a few tears but collapsing into sobs, as men dressed in black with snow masks came on the screen and dragged their teammates.  
"How did you override Jarvis?" shouted Tony to no one in particular. The white room was empty, there was nobody with him. A voice suddenly started talking, making Tony jump. "You showed me." Tony desperately looked around the room but saw nothing. The voice laughed. "I'm inside your head Anthony. We're all inside your head. And I'll show the terror it holds to all your teammates, so they can see the real Tony Stark."

"If you hurt them I swear I will kill you with my bare hands." Tony wasn't sure if he'd screamed or whispered, or if he had actually spoken out loud or not. He felt a massive headache and his throat suddenly felt very dry. Maybe he was disoriented because of the head trauma.  
"Don't worry Mr. Stark. I won't do anything to them. You asked me how I managed to override Jarvis. You showed me. You designed both the Avengers Tower and Jarvis. You knew their weak spots and how to pass them, and since I am in your head, so did I." The voice laughed. "Get ready, Mr. Stark. Your teammates will be joining us shortly.

* * *

The first one to wake up was Natasha. Her eyes were blinded by the light as soon as she opened them. She kept her eyes opened as they adjusted to it and saw her four teammates, sitting on chairs facing a screen unconscious, just like she was. She was about to get up and look for an exit as a voice echoed through the walls. "There is no point in getting up Agent Romanoff. You'll not find an exit in this room." Natasha didn't know what was going on here, who this guy was and how she couldn't see him but could hear his voice echoing although he wasn't in the room, but being a part of the Avengers and seeing all sorts of weird things, nothing could surprise her anymore. "Every room has an exit. How could you put us in here if there is no exit somewhere?" There was a silent pause and then the voice responded, very pleased with himself. "This is only an illusion, Ms. Romanoff. You are all inside Mr. Stark's head, and I'm here too."  
"What the hell is this guy talking about?" Clint responded. He had just woken up and started looking around the room. A year ago, he didn't believe life outside Earth had existed, shortly after he met two gods from Asgard and a race called Chitauri invaded the Earth. So yeah, he thought to himself, this guy could actually be saying the truth. Natasha looked at her side and saw all of their teammates awake, terrified to even get up and look around. "Nice to see you too, Mr. Barton."  
"Agent."  
"I'm sorry?"  
"I prefer to be called Agent Barton, if you don't mind." There was a long, pregnant pause. Natasha smiled to herself.  
"Well then, Agent Barton, want to take a little look inside Mr. Stark's memories?"  
The screen in front of them flashed open, showing Tony bound to a chair, in a room identical to theirs. Tony was looking at the screen, his chocolate brown eyes showing the terror they held. Tony looked at each of his teammates; they were all staring back at him with the same expression. Scared, shocked, confused but also very brave.  
The voice spoke again. "Ready or not, here we go."


	2. Chapter 2

The team didn't even have time to prepare themselves as they dived into the first memory.

Tony was just a little baby, about three, playing with an electronic toy car on the floor. Well, maybe not playing. He was taking the car apart. There were nails and a screwdriver on the floor, the car was in pieces. He was intending to show it to his father, thinking his father would be very proud of him. Howard Stark opened the door at the same time, looking very angry and rather disappointed. Something must have gone wrong at work, Tony thought. Howard didn't notice Tony, he was walking angrily to his lab but stepped on a nail, letting out a sharp cry of pain.

"Why did you leave these on the floor?" he shouted at Tony. "You're not even supposed to play with these, you're only a child! Go to your room before you screw up anything else!" Tony didn't go away, he wanted to take his dismantled car with him, but it was behind Howard and he couldn't reach it without moving.

"What are you standing there for? Go to your room!" roared Howard, and he slapped Tony in the cheek. Tony let a few tears escape from his eyes; he started to run to his room without even looking back at the car. Howard must have realized what he had done, he had never hit his child before, so he started running after him. "No, Tony come back, I didn't mean to do that. I'm so sorry."

Howard couldn't reach him with the nail still in his foot and Tony had already run to his room and locked the door after him. He collapsed on his bed and started crying. His cheek hurt very much, and he had made his father very angry. He turned his head and looked at the Captain America poster next to his wardrobe. "I'm going to make my father very proud. Just like you did." He smiled at the poster and unlocked his door. Howard was nowhere to be seen, but he had run into Jarvis while he was looking for his car.

"Jarvis!" he shouted in pleasure. Tony really liked Jarvis, he hugged him whenever he needed it and made delicious pancakes.  
Jarvis smiled back at him until he saw the visible bruise on his face. He kneeled beside Tony and touched his face gently. "What happened to your face, Tony?" he asked with a worried look on his face.

Tony's shoulders fell immediately and he looked at the floor. "My father was angry with me because I left my stuff on the floor. He said I screw up everything." Jarvis lift Tony's face up and smiled at him sadly. "You didn't screw anything up Tony. You are the most capable and cleverest child I've ever known. I'm going to talk to your father about this. In the meantime..." he got up and took a plate of the counter. "You can eat pancakes." Tony jumped up and down and was placed on the chair by Jarvis.

The day had ended well, but his cheek still hurt and the pain had only gone away after a couple of days. Tony never saw his father in the house during that period.

* * *

The memory morphed into another one. The setting was different this time. The house was very small and decorated with modesty but also very passionately. There was a small Christmas tree next to the sofas in the living room, and a five year old Tony Stark was sitting next to it, waiting beside two gifts patiently.

A woman entered the room and smiled at Tony when she saw him. "Time isn't going to flow faster when you guard the presents, Tony. You shouldn't open them until morning."

"But I want to see what's inside them." Tony whined, but also got up and sat on one of the sofas. The doorbell rang after that, and a very beautiful woman entered the room with Jarvis, holding a gift.

"Aunt Peggy!" screamed Tony. "You got me a gift! Look, I have three of them now!" Tony got up and ran to her with his eyes full of joy. Peggy kneeled in front of him and hugged the little boy. "Of course I got you a present, sweetheart. It's Christmas, isn't it?" Tony's eyes suddenly fell and he whispered "But I didn't get you anything." Tony looked up, expecting to see Peggy looking angry or sad, but he was surprised to see that she was still smiling. "It's fine. Just promise me you won't open the presents until morning." "Why does everyone keep saying that?" whined Tony. Everyone in the room laughed and settled on the table.

The evening passed with jokes and laughter, they even sang Christmas songs with Tony. When the clock hit twelve, Peggy left, giving Tony a goodbye kiss on his cheek and Tony didn't remember when, but at some point he had fallen asleep on one of the sofas. He woke up next morning on one of the spare beds and ran up to his presents to open them. He remembered thinking that no child could be happier than him.

* * *

"I didn't say all of the memories would be sad ones, did I? The only sad thing is Tony never spending Christmas with his parents."

Tony was looking down, too scared to even look one of his teammates in the eye. He knew this was only the beginning and in the end, he didn't know if he would ever be able to look at any of his team in the eye again.

Steve was also staring at the floor, he couldn't get the image of little Tony looking at the Captain America poster out of his mind. He was shocked seeing how his old friend had just hit his son like that, and shocked seeing Peggy, his long lost love, spending time with Tony. Steve hadn't even known Tony knew Peggy. They were going to have a long talk when all this was over.

"Well, I shouldn't have even interrupted the memories, containing my inner monologue was just too much and I had to make an input."

"Why are you doing this?" Bruce whispered. He knew how secretive Tony was about his childhood and personal life, if all of his secrets were laid open, Tony wouldn't even speak to them again.

"It amuses me, I guess. You see, I didn't know about my powers until recently and as I was walking by the Avengers Tower, I had the chance to take a look at all of your minds and saw that Mr. Stark wasn't who he seems to be at all. Plus, I get to test my powers on the strongest and the most broken people in the world. It's fun."

Bruce was downright furious now, wondering if he could turn into the Hulk to just smash this place and get Tony from the other room, who was refusing to look at him.

"No, I'm sorry Dr. Banner. You can't turn into the Hulk here. This is a dream state, you are actually heavily drugged at the back of a van to keep your heartbeat low."

It would be too risky anyway, Bruce thought to himself.

"I guess there's no point in waiting, I've got lots to show you."

* * *

The team was dragged into another memory.

This time Tony was about seven, sitting on the grass outside, observing a caterpillar. The house door opened and Tony turned his head to see who was coming out of the house, but quickly looked the other way when he saw his father with Obie. His father had always been distant towards him after the incident with the toy car, there were times when Tony didn't see his father for days. He would just lock himself in the lab or never come home from work. Howard loved Tony, Tony knew he did, or at least he thought so. Howard passed by Tony without even looking at him, got on his car and left as Obie sat beside Tony.

"Do you think father is ashamed to be near me?" Tony asked Obie.

"No, of course not." Obie answered quickly. "Things are a little bit busy at work, that's all." Tony was still looking at the caterpillar, refusing to meet Obie's eyes.

"Look, Tony, I have something important to tell you. You'll be going to a boarding school from now on." Tony looked up at Obie in surprise. He knew what boarding school meant. He knew that if he went to a boarding school, he would never be able to see his mother, Jarvis, Jarvis's wife Anna, Peggy or Obie occasionally.

"No, I don't want to go! I want to stay here, please!"

Obie looked at him with an expression Tony couldn't understand. "Don't worry, okay? You'll still come home during the summer holidays and Christmas. Howard and Maria thought this would be for the best."

Tony stopped whining at once and continued observing the caterpillar. He knew if his father had decided something, there would be no excuses, Tony had to do what he was saying. He also didn't want to break his mother's heart. If she's thought this would be the best for Tony, then he had to listen to her.

"Okay." Tony whispered to Obie. Obie put his hand on Tony's shoulder and spoke softly, "It's going to be very fun, you'll see."

Tony had seen his father in the living room the night before he left, Howard had looked at Tony and said, "This will be for the best, Tony. You don't have to stay here." Tony didn't understand what he had meant by that, this was his home. He was looking at Howard with a puzzled expression when Howard got up, taking a bottle of scotch with him upstairs.

Jarvis and his wife Anna had come the next day to ride with Tony and help him settle down. Maria, his mother, was nowhere to be seen. Jarvis never spoke through the whole ride, Tony had thought Jarvis was angry with him for getting sent to boarding school, he felt like this was his fault. Maybe if he hadn't screwed everything up, his father would be happy and let him stay at home.

"Boarding school isn't that bad, Tony, don't worry. You'll have new friends there." said Anna when she saw the sad look on Tony's face. The driver stopped in front of a very big white building with dark black fences and nothing but trees around it.

Anna sadly smiled at Tony. "You can get a nice education there; your father thought this would be the best for you."

"He's an asshole." said Jarvis quietly, but Tony had heard him and his mouth dropped open. He was used to hearing bad words; he heard them all the time from his father when something at work had gone wrong, but never from Jarvis.

"Edwin!" hissed Anna.

Jarvis sighed and kneeled in front of Tony. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said something like that in front of you. You'll be happy here, and we'll visit you whenever we can, okay?" Tony wrapped his hands around Jarvis, letting a few tears slide across his cheeks.

Tony woke up with the sound of the bell that day. It was snowing outside and nearly Christmas, Tony was very happy that he could finally spend some time with Jarvis, Anna and Peggy. He missed Jarvis's pancakes. The food here was good, he just didn't feel comfortable enough to eat anything here. He had gotten slimmer; all of his clothes were slightly big for him now.

Boarding school was very far from "fun". Tony knew he was special, he had always known, but he had thought the school his father sent him to would be a place with children like Tony. He was mistaken. Tony already knew how to read and write, so he got really bored when the other kids were just learning the alphabet and couldn't even hold a pencil the right way. He knew the answers the math questions the teacher asked right away, she was always asking very simple things and the others still struggled. Tony always got bullied by the others because of this. He eventually got quieter and didn't answer any of the teachers' questions anymore.

He shared his room with a kid named Charles. He always hit Tony when nobody was looking and played the victim when Tony cried and called one of the teachers. They always thought Charles was right and got angry with Tony. Even the teachers here didn't like him.

He looked outside from his window where nearly all of the kids were up and playing in the snow, some were standing to the side building snowmen. Tony wore his large coat and scarf, covered his mouth and nose. That's what Anna did when Tony was going out to play in the snow in Christmas, so that Tony wouldn't get sick. He put on his hat and ran down outside. It was their free day, there were no lessons. Maybe today he could play with the others. He loved to play in the snow.

Charles started shouting as soon as Tony stepped outside and pushed him. The ground was very slippery with ice, it made Tony fall on his back and everyone started laughing. Tony looked for a teacher, but there was nobody outside except kids. "You can't play with us." shouted Charles and a girl behind him stick her tongue out at Tony. Everyone laughed again and ran back to the garden.

Tony lied on the ground for a couple of minutes, fighting the urge not to cry. He hated this place, he wanted to go home. He finally got up and went back to his room. He had books with him. He would do what he did on every free day they had. He would read in his room until it got dark, and then cry himself to sleep, hoping Charles wouldn't hear him.

* * *

The team was once again pulled out from the memories into the small white rooms.

"By the way, for all of you that didn't know, Obie was the guy who had Tony kidnapped by the Ten Rings. But I guess that's a story for later."

Of course, Natasha thought to herself. She had read Tony's file while she was posing to be his assistant, she knew about Obadiah Stane. She just hadn't realized they have been this close since Tony was a child. No wonder why the billionaire has trust issues.

Tony started coughing very violently as the arc reactor's light flickered a few times.

"I guess the element inside the arc reactor isn't agreeing with my powers. I'm afraid you don't have much time before you go into a cardiac arrest and die, Mr. Stark. Luckily, I'll still be able to continue getting your memories even if you're dead."

With that, sounds of protest came from all of the team at once. Natasha cursed very loudly in Russian and even Thor, who hadn't spoken a word the whole time they were here, was screaming at the faceless voice to let them go.

The voice laughed again. "I find your weak attempt to convince me to let you go hilarious. Don't worry, I'll keep Mr. Stark alive as long as possible. It's going to be more fun seeing him completely break down after I'm finished, rather than just letting him die."

* * *

Pepper had called Tony three times, now was attempting to call him for the fourth time. When her fourth call to Tony went straight to voice mail, Pepper tried calling the Avengers one by one, only to see that all of their phones were closed too. Pepper had Jarvis uploaded in her phone, but when she tried to access it, it shut her out.

Pepper started to get worried now. None of the team would just close their phones and disappear and Jarvis shutting down was just impossible, knowing Tony had built the AI.

The next number Pepper had dialed was Maria Hill's.

"Hello?"

"I think something happened to the team. Something bad."

 **I can't believe some people actually read my story and reviewed, favorited and followed! I had written the first chapter out of boredom, I never thought people would read it, so thanks to all of you who did! This is my first fanfiction and English is not my first language. If I make any mistakes, don't hesitate to point them out. Thank you so much :)**

 **Until next time!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 is here. Enjoy!**

 **Trigger warnings: mentions of self-harm, suicide, bad language**

Nick Fury, Maria Hill and Pepper Potts were standing in front of a large computer screen in the Hellicarrier, watching the footage from a security camera in the common floor. White gas filled the room and the Avengers were pulled out of the common floor by men in black suits one by one.

"This is the only thing we got." said Hill. "The other cameras were all damaged and there is no way to retrieve the footage."

"How did they just get in the tower like that? This doesn't make any sense, the tower would've alerted the team and locked itself in any kind of attack." Pepper said to nobody in particular. She was too worried about the team, and especially about Tony. She didn't know what she would do if she lost him.

"They were looking for Tony. Banner said he wasn't in the tower. Do you know where he was?"

Pepper took a moment to collect her thoughts and spoke, "He said he would take a walk and come back. I shouldn't have just let him go. I should have at least checked on him, I should have waited until he came back. I should have known something was wrong." She felt like collapsing on the floor in sobs, Tony was probably kidnapped somewhere in the middle of the night while she was sleeping. She covered her face with her hand, as Hill put her hand on Pepper's shoulder.

"What time did he leave?" asked Fury.

"He had a nightmare." she barely whispered. "He left at about 4 AM"

"Don't worry, Pepper. We'll find them." said Maria. "Let's check the cameras in a three block perimeter and see if we can find where Tony went."

* * *

"Just stop this, you fucking asshole!" shouted Tony in the white room. The team suddenly went quiet and stopped their protests, this was the first time Tony had spoken since they first came here.

"Why, Mr. Stark? Are you scared of what's coming? I know your past is very colorful and this hasn't even scratched the surface yet."

Even the tone of his voice was enough to send shivers down Tony's spine. Yes, he was very scared. Scared of this man. Scared of the team seeing all of his memories. Scared of what he would do if all of his secrets and all of the things he covered up were laid open to the team. For the first time in his life, he was happy that Pepper wasn't here.

This time it was Clint who had had enough of this bullshit. Even seeing Tony's face, so broken and scared, made him want to kill this man. The team may not always go along, they may be very different from each other, they may be a mess, but they were his mess. Nobody was going to hurt his team like this. He shouted without even thinking. "You sick bastard, I'll kill you with my bare hands when we get out of here."

"I think the thing you should be focusing on, Agent Barton, is how you'll make Mr. Stark a part of the team again after this terrible experience. Not that he feels like he's part of it anyway. He feels like he doesn't deserve to be here, amongst gods and super soldiers and skilled assassins."

Tony lowered his head again after these words. He didn't want to meet anyone in the team in the eye, he didn't want them to see him so broken like this.

The next words that came out of the faceless voice's mouth made both Tony and Steve flinch.

"Big man in a suit armor. Take that off and what are you? He thought it was true, by the way. The moment these words left your mouth, Captain Rogers, Mr. Stark thought you were right. He was nothing."

Steve regretted saying it. The moment Steve had met Tony, he had hated him. Hated that his friend Howard was not here and Tony was. After a few minutes on the hellicarrier, Steve had started to hate him more. He had thought of Tony as a selfish man who probably had everything he wanted since he was a child. Nothing bad had ever happened to him. How wrong he was. Now all he wanted was to get up, get Tony from the other room and tell him everything would be alright. He hated seeing one of his team so vulnerable like this. Tony wouldn't even meet his eyes, he kept looking down, like a child who had done something wrong and was afraid to be punished.

The team could almost hear the voice's triumphant smile to himself as he made all of the team fall silent again.

"How rude of me, making you wait like this. Better prepare yourselves for the next set of memories."

* * *

This time, Tony was older, about 11 or 12. He was building something, Jarvis sitting next to him.

"You know, when I display this in the science fair, everyone is going to think I had help from Howard."

Jarvis raised his eyebrows. "Everyone knows you're brilliant, Tony. But since when have you been calling your father 'Howard'?"

"Since he slammed me into the bookshelf when he was drunk yesterday." Tony said in his casual voice, hiding all of his pain and anger.

Jarvis's eyes widened. "Why didn't you tell me? Are you hurt? I could have looked at your wounds, Tony, why didn't you call me?"

Tony let out a harsh laugh. "It's fine, Jarvis. It doesn't hurt anymore." This was of course, a lie. His back had bruised really bad, and it hurt every time he moved.

There was a hesitant pause before he started talking again.

"Do you... do you think this was the reason he sent me to the boarding school? He was getting worse and he knew it. Maybe I shouldn't have come back here."

Jarvis's face grew into a more serious expression as he leaned near Tony and put his hand on his shoulder. "They weren't treating you well, Tony. I wish you told us that sooner so we could have gotten you out of there."

"I did. I told Howard but I think he didn't really care. I doubt he would have ever let me come back unless you insisted." Tony turned towards Jarvis. "Thank you, Jarvis. For everything." Jarvis smiled softly and pulled Tony into a hug. If he was anyone else, Tony wouldn't have felt so comfortable. But he hugged Jarvis back without hesitating. "You're welcome, Tony. I'll always be here for you, okay? Always."

Tony let silent tears soak Jarvis's shirt.

* * *

The science fair had opened the next day, there were projects on display everywhere. Tony hadn't thought Howard would come, but he was still holding on to the little hope he had. If Howard came, Tony could show him his project. Dum-E, a robot who could understand basic commands.

Tony waved when he saw Jarvis and Anna. "So it did work, then?"

"Yes, but I missed a couple of hours of sleep because of this dummy right here."

Jarvis thought for a second, and then his eyes lit up like a child. "Hey, Tony, I think I finally found you a name! Name it Dum-E!"

Jarvis was overly excited to have finally found a name, but Tony looked rather puzzled. "Name it what?"

"Dum-E! With a D, U, M, and E! It's brilliant!"

Anna laughed at Jarvis's childish excitement. "Maybe you should let the kid name his own creation himself, Edwin."

"No, I think that actually is brilliant! Hey robot, your name is Dum-E now."

More people crowded Dum-E and Tony explained to everyone how his robot worked one by one. Some people liked it very much, but Tony heard a woman whisper "There's no way he built that on his own. He must have had help from his father."

"See, I told you people would think Howard had helped me." Tony said after she moved away.  
Jarvis spoke, with slight disappointment in his voice. "Well, it's their loss if they can't see how intelligent you are."

Tony silently smiled to himself. The little compliments Jarvis made always made him happier. "Maybe I can name another AI after you." Tony said, laughing.

A wide smile spread over Jarvis's face. "If you are going to name something after me, it should be a meaningful anagram."

"Um... Just A Rather Very Intelligent System?"

Tony, Jarvis and Anna all laughed. They had no idea, that one day, Tony would name his AI after Jarvis using the same anagram.

* * *

"Those were cute, weren't they? Don't worry, a whole lot of bad things are about to happen in little Tony's life."

He got that right, Tony thought.

"I see that Mr. Stark agrees with me. All of you will when you see the memories, too."

It was silent for a moment, and the voice spoke again.

"I really should stop interrupting like this. Here we go."

* * *

Tony was about 15 this time, sitting in the cafeteria of what looked like a school. He was chewing on his sandwich slowly, when a boy his age approached him.  
Tony saw him and immediately rolled his eyes. "I can't deal with this bullshit today, go somewhere else."

"Oh, look at that! The great Tony Stark can't deal with my bullshit."

"Nice to see you, too, Hammer."

The same boy spoke with the same sarcastic voice. "What happened Tony? Did daddy not buy you the toys you wanted? Does he not love you?"

Tony was about to leave with his sandwich on his hands when the boy said something that made Tony lose the rest of his patience. "I bet your dad hits you every day for screwing everything up."

Tony slammed his hands at the table and screamed. "Go the fuck away from me Justin!"

Everyone on the cafeteria suddenly got silent, a few teachers approached them to see what was happening.

"Is everything okay here, gentlemen?" said the teacher, glaring at Justin.

"Everything's fine, Ms. Crowe." Justin said, still staring at Tony with a sick smile on his face.

"You better go to your class, Mr. Hammer."

Justin walked away slowly, turning around and smiling at Tony as he exited the cafeteria. Tony looked around and everyone suddenly turned their heads and started talking again.

"You alright, Tony?" Ms. Crowe asked, and only than Tony realized that he made fists with his hands and his face was probably red. He let himself relax a little bit and barely whispered. "Yes, Ms. Crowe."

"What did he tell you?"

Tony hesitated for a moment. "Nothing."

She clearly knew this was a lie, but didn't want to push the boy so hard. She walked away and Tony walked to the gym, he started running when nobody was around to see him. He entered one of the little changing rooms, locked the door and collapsed inside. He started crying silently, not wanting anyone to hear him. He didn't know how long he sat there, not caring if he had a class or not. He could just sit there for all eternity, hiding from everything that's been haunting him. All he wanted was to be happy, and what he got was an abusive father and a mother that didn't care about him the slightest.

His thoughts were distracted when a couple of boys marched into the changing rooms. Tony sat on the chair and pulled his legs up so he wouldn't be seen from the outside. When he thought everyone had left, he unlocked the door and stepped outside. He heard someone running towards where he was and wanted to hide again, but it was too late. The other boy was standing right in front of him. He slowed down when he realized something was wrong with Tony.

"Um... I'm sorry I thought this place was empty."

Tony processed the boy's words and just stood there for about three seconds. All he wanted was to be left alone. Realizing he hadn't answered the boy, Tony thought of a quick response. "Yeah, er... it's okay, I was just going anyway." He had started walking away, but stopped when the boy shouted after him.

"Hey, you can't just go away like that! You didn't even come to class." Tony turned around and looked at the boy, finally recognizing him.

"Oh, we share a math class together. You're James."

James smiled gently. "Yes, and you're Tony Stark. You know that everyone has been looking for you, right? Care to explain why you were hiding in the changing room?"

Tony suddenly looked away, not wanting to answer his question. That's when James noticed the scars. The scars that Tony usually covered up wearing long sleeved t-shirts, but he had rolled up his sleeves in the changing room.

"Tony, look at me." Tony forced himself to look at him, meeting his eyes.

"Do you hurt yourself, Tony?" Tony's eyes suddenly fell, noticing how his t-shirt sleeves were up and the scars were quite visible. He wanted to collapse in sobs, why did he always have to screw everything up? Tony started stepping backwards to get away from James and finally hitting one of the chairs lined up to the wall and just collapsing on it, burying his head in his hands. He heard James slowly walking up to him and sitting on one of the chairs.

"You don't have to say anything. I know how hard it could get sometimes and I want to help you." Tony looked at James, shocked. He hadn't even imagined him saying something like this. He thought James would make fun of him, probably tell the others and laugh about how weak and pathetic Tony looked, but here he was, saying that he wants to help him.

James smiled sadly, seeing how shocked Tony was. "Nobody's ever approached you like this before, have they?"

Tony barely whispered. "No."

"I want you to get some help, alright? You need to tell this to someone who can help you, tell your parents."

Tony let out a harsh laugh. "They probably wouldn't care if I threw myself off a cliff. All I have is Jarvis and Peggy."

"See, there are people who care about you Tony. I care, and I don't want anything happening to you. I know it won't be easy, but I know you are strong enough to cope with this, alright?"

There was something about James that suddenly made Tony feel slightly better, like he was safe again. He looked at him and smiled softly. "Thank you."

James must have realized Tony was feeling slightly better, because a wide smile spread on his face and he said, "James Rhodes, at your service."

Tony laughed a little. "James Rhodes sounds way too serious. What about Rhodey?"

"Rhodey?" James looked kind of puzzled, not being able to decide if he liked the nickname or not.

"It'll grow on you, you'll see."

* * *

Pepper was standing up in one of the large SHIELD conference rooms; she had refused to sit down. A huge day had passed and they had found nothing. She worried so much about Tony, he still had nightmares about Afghanistan after years, he wouldn't be able to cope with another kidnapping. Pepper felt too tired and decided to finally sit down as Maria Hill entered the room. Pepper looked at her with expectant eyes.

"We have a location of the team. We found them."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 is here! I'm sorry it's a bit late; I was busy with school work. Enjoy!**

 **Trigger warnings: Suicidal thoughts, bad language, child abuse, self-harm and alcoholism**

* * *

A heavily armored van approached the black vehicle parked at the side of the street as people around the street gathered from afar to see what was going on. Shield agents surrounded the black van in a split second, their weapons towards it. An agent opened the door, and three of them entered inside.

"I need medical backup here, right now!" Maria Hill shouted into her comm device. Agents slowly lifted and carried the unconscious people in the van outside.

"Is that Tony Stark?" screamed someone from the crowd. "Oh my god, those are the Avengers!"

People started shouting and getting out their cameras and phones to record what was going on as agents tried to block the crowd from running towards the team. Members of the team got carried to the choppers that had landed near the site about 30 seconds ago. The choppers took off right after the members of the Avengers were carried inside. The medical team rushed to the Avengers' sides.

"Eyes unresponsive to light!"

"Heartbeat is 30 per minute."

"Stark is worse. 20 beats per minute."

"I think we are losing them."

* * *

Tony had gone pale and although he tried very hard to hide it, he was struggling to breathe more and more. He was taking very deep breaths that were clearly audible to the other room. The rest of the team wasn't in good condition either. They were all going a bit fuzzy.

"Shall we continue? I don't want all of you to die before I finish showing you all of Mr. Stark's memories."

Nobody made a single sound. Physical torture, all of them could handle. But something like this, they didn't even know how to react.

They didn't even have time to gather their thoughts as they were pulled into another memory.

* * *

Tony was in his room, looking at the mirror blankly.

Voices were coming down the stairs, it sounded like two men were shouting at each other. The sound of glass breaking disrupted Tony from his thoughts. He got up in a rush. He had had enough of this.

He stepped out to the corridor, trying to make as little sound as possible. He got into a room, and closed the door behind him slowly. The room consisted of only alcohol. They were neatly sorted into shelves. Tony stood there for one moment, thinking about what he was about to do. He wasn't allowed to go in here. He had accidently entered once and it had made Howard very angry. He looked at the shelves and made up his mind at an instant.

"Fuck it." he muttered under his breath, and grabbed the first bottle on the shelf. He secretly walked back to his room and locked the door.

He opened the bottle and drank some from it, hardly swallowing it. He didn't think it would be this strong. He had tasted alcohol before, Obie had insisted he should drink some because he was a grownup man now. He drank more and more from the bottle and when he looked, he realized he had drunk half of it. He felt a little lightheaded now. He actually regretted drinking. Howard would be very angry he finished a bottle of his drinks rather than getting sad that Tony was drinking in the first place.

Tony got up and hid the bottle in his closet. For the next four days, he had the same routine. With Jarvis gone abroad, nobody suspected him because nobody ever saw him. Tony wondered if anyone would actually notice him if he was gone. On the fifth day, he got up and went down for breakfast. The maids prepared a table for them with all kinds of food. Howard usually didn't even come to the table, and Maria usually ate a little and went back upstairs, never speaking.

Tony loved his mother, he really did. For the first time in his life, he noticed that he actually missed her. Missed the way she used to read him stories when he was little. Missed her lovely lullabies. Missed her smile. But now, she just looked sad. After five minutes, Tony was the only person left on the table. He didn't eat anything; he just went up to his room, opened his bottle of alcohol and drank.

He didn't have a bad life. He had people that loved him, he had Jarvis, he had Aunt Peggy, and he had Rhodey. He could buy everything he wanted, Howard didn't even care when he spent too much money. He was very intelligent. All he wanted was to be happy, but he felt like he was never going to be. He didn't feel like he could go on any longer, he felt desperate.

With a scream of agony Tony threw the bottle across the room, glass shattering everywhere. He collapsed on the floor, feeling like just lying there forever and never getting up. Would anyone actually care if I died right here, he thought.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door, and someone called for Tony.

"Tony, are you alright sweetheart?"

It didn't take long for Tony to identify the British accent. "Aunt Peggy." he whispered to himself and felt a little smile forming on his lips. "She would care."

"Tony?" she called from outside the room, trying to open the door but finding it locked. She was sure there was something wrong, she had heard a scream and glass breaking. She picked the lock and found Tony lying in the middle of the room, a strong stench of alcohol and pieces of glass everywhere.

"You came for me." Tony whispered.

Peggy quickly kneeled beside Tony and checked his pulse. "Oh, Tony. I'm taking you to the hospital, alright sweetheart?"

"I want you to stay with me, Tony. Stay with me, okay?"

"You would care if I died, right?" Tony whispered. The expression on Peggy's face changed. She hugged Tony tighter as tears streamed down her face.

"Of course I would miss you. Everyone would miss you. There are so many people that care about you. You've got to hold on, Tony."

Tony barely heard her, but even the tone of her voice was enough to help Tony hold on a second longer. He tried to focus on his surroundings. Peggy had kneeled on the floor next to Tony, not even caring about the little shards of glass that were tearing her dress and cutting her legs. She was holding Tony safely wrapped in her arms. Tony looked up and focused on Peggy's face. If Peggy was the last thing he saw, he was happy. He slowly drifted away, not hearing Peggy's cries.

* * *

The first thing Tony noticed was the sounds coming from the machine connected to him. It gave a constant beeping sound that helped Tony calm down. He wanted to open his eyes and apologize. He heard loud footsteps across the hall, his eyes still closed.

"Where is he?" a man shouted. Tony quickly recognized the voice. Who else would want to shout at him for nearly dying?

"Calm down, Howard." Peggy said, trying not to get too angry.

"I'm not going to calm down! Where's that little bastard?" roared Howard, and the persom holding Tony's hand squeezed him a little tighter after Howard shouted.

There were a lot of footsteps in the corridor now; Tony suspected the nurses were trying to pull Howard away.

"Don't you dare touch me! Do you even know who I am?"

"Mr. Stark, your son isn't in the right condition-"

"Get out of my way, Peggy!" shouted Howard, ignoring the nurse.

"For God's sake, Howard! He's just a boy! Maybe he wouldn't have done anything like this if you had been a proper father!" Peggy shouted in a tone Tony has never heard from her before. She was downright furious; Tony suspected she could actually kill Howard if he said another word.

Howard must have felt the same thing, because everywhere suddenly got quiet and the sound of footsteps going away filled the room.  
Tony slowly lifted his eyelids and the white light above him blinded him instantly. He waited for a moment, letting his eyes adjust to the light. He slowly turned his head and saw Rhodey staring at the corridor in shock, still squeezing his hand.

"You know, Rhodey, if you wanted to propose you could have just said so."

Rhodey turned his head around and gave a little sigh out of relief. "Tony, you idiot. I'm going to kill you myself when we get out of here."

Tony was about to give a quick retort but he couldn't speak with his throat so dry. Rhodey quickly took the cup next to Tony's bed and helped him drink the water inside.

"What were you thinking?" Rhodey asked. He wasn't furious with him, he wasn't disappointed that he made such a big mistake. He had the same kind of worry in his eyes that were in Peggy's when he was dying in her arms.

"I'm sorry." Tony said quietly and turned his head away.

"Tony, look at me. Hey, look at me." He touched Tony's chin and turned his head around. Tony tried to look strong and his eyes betrayed him, just like they always did.

"It's okay." said Rhodey and put his hand on Tony's shoulder. "I'm glad you're alive." His lips formed into a smile that sent Tony a wave of reassurance. It was like finding out the world was safe and happy again. Tony smiled back and they stared at each other for a moment. Peggy entered the room at the exact same time.

"I can leave you two alone if you want."

Rhodey let out a laugh and Tony's smile widened.

"I was about to propose, but it's fine. You can come in." Rhodey said, smiling. Peggy smiled back and walked towards Tony, sitting on the empty chair on the other side of the bed.

"You alright, sweetheart?" she said, touching Tony's forehead and making sure he didn't have a fever.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

The sound of quick footsteps filled the room and two little kids burst in, shouting "Tony!". The little girl was about seven, and the boy was about four. The little girl jumped on the bed and the boy jumped on Peggy's lap.

"Are you okay?" the little girl that jumped on the bed said with a worried look in her eyes.

"Yes. An accident happened but I'm fine now."  
The little girl smiled and hugged Tony. Tony's body hurt a little but he didn't say anything. Peggy was next to the bed, smiling at the sight in front of her. Tony was trying to convince the little girl to let go of him but she was still tightly hugging him.

A man entered the room, out of breath. "Why do little kids have to run so fast?" he said approaching the bed and picking the little girl up.

"It's fine. Sarah and I were planning our next tea party." Tony said, still smiling.

"Only Tony's invited, sorry." Sarah said and Tony laughed.

Jarvis entered the room in a hurry, giving a sigh of relief when he saw Tony awake and smiling.

"I came as soon as possible. You aren't doing anything like this ever again, okay? Promise me."

"I promise. I'm sorry that I worried you."

The day passed with everyone sitting around Tony's bed and Sarah telling everyone stories about Tony's tea parties. She had promised that she would come again tomorrow and they would have a tea party with Mr. Scrabbers the Bear and Clara the Mouse. Peggy's husband had taken the kids home when it was late. Rhodey wanted to stay, but Peggy and Jarvis reassured him that they would be here all night, telling him to go back home before it got dark. Peggy and Jarvis fell asleep on chairs next to Tony's bed and at the end of the day Tony realized he was wrong. He was happy.

* * *

The memory morphed into another one. Tony was leaving the hospital, leaning on Peggy while Jarvis made the arrangements. Howard must have paid the nurses and the doctors to keep their mouths shut, because nothing leaked to the media.

He was getting worried, he hadn't heard from his father since that day in the hospital and he was sure Howard wasn't going to be happy with him. They entered the house. Tony could feel the tension even though Howard was nowhere to be seen. Jarvis and Peggy were just as worried as Tony was.

The sound of a door closing came to Tony's ears and he tensed up immediately. Peggy instinctively stepped in front of Tony and Jarvis stepped forward, ready to protect Tony from anything that was coming.

Howard appeared and started walking slowly towards them. Tony had known this moment was going to come eventually. "Step out of the way." he said calmly.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm afraid we're not going to." Jarvis said, blocking Howard's view.

"Don't you dare defend him! He stole from my collection and-"

"He nearly died, and all you care about is your collection?" Peggy said calmly. He felt worse now. He had put Jarvis and Peggy in a position he never wanted to. What he did was wrong and this was his fault.

"I want this little shit out of my house by morning!"

Tony got out from his chair, rushing upstairs. "Don't worry, I'm not going to stay here."

Jarvis had followed him but Tony ran and quickly locked the door after him, throwing his clothes to the first bag he could find. Jarvis was trying to reason with him from outside the door but it wasn't working. Tony was so angry he wasn't even listening to what Jarvis was saying.

He opened his door and ran downstairs before Jarvis could catch him, passed Peggy and Howard, who were still arguing, and stormed out of the house. He ran where his feet took him, and after running in the rain for about 30 minutes, he realized he was standing in the middle of the street where Rhodey lived. He was out of breath and he could feel every muscle in his body aching.

He stopped at Rhodey's door, regretting coming here. He hated being a burden and he hadn't exactly met Rhodey's parents. He wanted to go somewhere else, but he had no money. He couldn't exactly go back home, and he felt like he wasn't ready to confront Jarvis or Peggy. So after a moment of hesitation, he knocked on the door. A tall woman opened it and Rhodey shouted from inside the house. "Who is it, mom?"

Rhodey's footsteps followed and he gasped when he saw Tony standing in the rain with a backpack on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know where to go."

Rhodey immediately welcomed Tony inside, gave him dry clothes to change to and showed him the bathroom in case he wanted to get a shower, asking no questions just yet. Tony entered the living room with the new clothes Rhodey had given him and was invited to the dinner table immediately.

"So, what happened?" asked Rhodey after realizing that Tony wouldn't tell him unless he was asked. He hadn't spoken a word since he entered the house.

"He said, and I quote here 'I want this little shit out of my house by the morning.' So I got my backpack and came here." He looked at Rhodey's parents. I'm so sorry if I'm being a burden, I didn't want to-"

Rhodey's mother put her on Tony's shoulder and smiled, which shut Tony up. "It's fine, sweetie. You are welcome here anytime you want."

Tony smiled. Now he knew where Rhodey got his behavior from. He had a lovely family. A little girl came running to the table cheerfully and stopped looking at her mom quickly when she saw a stranger on the table.

Her mother smiled. "Say hello to James' friend Tony, dear."

The girl uncomfortably walked towards Tony and said hi, looking at the floor. Tony leaned towards her to be at the same eye level and took out his hand. The girl shacked his hand and looked at Tony. "Hey Jasmine. Your brother has told me all about you." He smiled. "That's a lovely teddy bear you got there. What's the name?"

The girl went back to her usual cheerful self and handed Tony the teddy bear. "I named her Raven."

"That's such a beautiful name. Well done!"

Jasmine's eyes lit up and she refused when Tony tried to hand the teddy bear back to her. "Do you want to keep her for tonight? You can place her next to your bed and she would look out for you, protect you from the monsters." she told Tony with expectant eyes.

Tony knew he had to say yes. "It would be an honor." he said, making Jasmine smile shyly as she went to her seat on the table.

* * *

Tony had slept on the bed that usually belonged to Jasmine, accidentally leaving the teddy bear in the living room. Jasmine was sleeping with her parents as the house was very small and they didn't have any spare beds.

It was about 3 AM and everyone was fast asleep when Tony had the worst nightmare in his life. The dream had started with Peggy and Jarvis, it all seemed normal to Tony until they started turning to dust and disappearing, leaving Tony alone in the middle of the dark. He shouted for help but nobody had answered him. Howard suddenly appeared out of nowhere; with such an angry look that Tony was afraid Howard might hurt him. "You always screw up!" he shouted and the whole world suddenly started crumbling around Tony. He suddenly found himself standing around a pile of bodies. There was a little girl lying on the floor with a teddy bear. Tony turned her around to see if she needed help, finding Jasmine's lifeless eyes staring at him coldly. All of the bodies started getting up and walking towards Tony with a dead look in their eyes.

"Why do you always fail Tony?" the corpse of Rhodey walking towards him asked.

"You always screw up."

"You will never be happy."

"Nobody will ever love you."

Tony was walking backwards, tears streaming down his face until he arrived at the corner of the empty house, and the corpses got closer to him.

"You'll die alone."

"Why don't you just kill yourself, Tony?"

The corpses attacked him at once and Tony screamed until he felt like his throat was being ripped out.

He was woken up by Rhodey shaking him. Tony immediately hit Rhodey once he saw him, screaming "Let go of me!" with tears on his face.

"Hey hey hey, Tony, it's me, you had a nightmare, calm down." Rhodey held Tony's arms and Tony stopped after he realized that what he saw was a dream, and sat down on the bed, Rhodey's hands still resting on his arms reassuringly. Rhodey's parents had come to see what was wrong, they were standing in front of the open door. Rhodey nodded to them, letting them know everything was okay. They disappeared at once, not wanting to invade Tony's privacy.

Tony buried his head in his hands and Rhodey sat down on the bed next to him.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, it's fine." He stopped to take a deep breath and then whispered. "I just thought these nightmares had stopped." He let his tears escape and felt Rhodey's arms wrapped around him.

"I'm sorry." he sobbed and Rhodey stopped him immediately.

"You don't need to apologize for anything, Tony. It's fine."

Rhodey let Tony go after a few minutes and asked "Are you going to be able to sleep?"

Tony nodded as he got up. "There is just something I need to get from the living room." He got the teddy bear and made sure he placed her next to the bed before he went back to sleep.

* * *

The team was placed in special rooms, still in dream state. The medical teams couldn't do anything as they weren't dealing with anything scientific or medical here. This was straight up sorcery.

Pepper watched Tony from the glass that kept them separate.

"What are we going to do?" she asked Maria.

"We have no way of waking them up from this dream state. We have connected them to monitors. Their heart rate has gone up after that, they're starting to look a little better. But we don't know how long they have." Maria answered, looking at the team one by one.

Pepper turned her head towards Maria and asked again. "What are we going to do?"

"We are going to find the bastard who did this to them."

* * *

 **Thank you all so much for reading my story! I love every single one of you and hope you have a great day! You guys are truly amazing!**

 **Until next time!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Bad language, suicidal thoughts, child abuse**

Pepper was still sitting outside the quarantine room, refusing to go home. What would home mean to her if Tony wasn't there? Things had been going a lot better since she had moved in Tony. It was always hard to hide from the paparazzi and the tabloids, but they had always managed to make it work somehow. And now, looking at Tony laying on the hospital bed through the glass separating them, she couldn't even imagine what she would do without him.

Rhodey stormed into the corridor, making Pepper jump. "What's going on?" was the question he first decided to ask. Rhodey hated not getting any answers and apparently, nobody knew what the fuck was going on.

"They don't know, but they are trying to keep everyone stable. They said that they have to keep Tony and the team in quarantine until they figure everything out."

"It's going to be fine." Rhodey said, giving Pepper a gentle squeeze on the shoulder. "He will make it out. He always makes it out."

A few minutes had passed and three people rushed inside the corridor. One of them tried to enter the quarantine room, but Rhodey stepped between the man and the door.

"Excuse me, who are you and what are you planning on doing here?"

Maria Hill entered with perfect timing. "They're with us."

Rhodey glared at Maria, still standing between the glass door and the doctor. "That doesn't answer my question."

Maria gave a sigh and introduced the doctor trying to enter the room. "This is one of our best doctors. He's sort of an... expert in this stuff."

The doctor tried to shake Rhodey's hand, not getting a response. "Dr. Steven Strange. I'm going to try to determine what's wrong with the Avengers and try to fix it, if you step out of the way."

Rhodey gave the doctor a quick look and stepped out of the way. Dr. Strange entered the quarantine room and began examining the Avengers one by one, starting with Tony.

"What do you mean by he's an expert in this stuff?" Pepper asked, moving next to Rhodey and watching Dr. Strange examine the Avengers.

"You'll see." Maria answered.

* * *

The Avengers were pulled back to their white little rooms after seeing the last set of Tony's memories. Seeing the happy memories Tony didn't even know he remembered actually made him cheer up a little bit. He liked seeing Jarvis and Peggy. Seeing Peggy's kids. Seeing Rhodey and his family. But then again, he had to also see Howard. Tony remembered nearly everything about Howard, but whenever he thought of him, the only thing that came to his mind was fear. How that fragile little boy was afraid of his father so much, how he was constantly sad and hurt. It made Tony hate himself, and Howard even more.

"Well, what do you think? I bet none of you guessed Mr. Stark and Colonel Rhodes were this close since they were kids."

The team protected their usual silent states.

"You are all awfully quiet. I'm starting to get a little worried. Is this too much to handle in one go, Tony? Oh, and I'm sure there's no problem with me calling you by your first names now, is there? We have already shared so much together." Tony could almost hear his sick laugh echoing in his brain.

"You all seem to be thinking the same thing. That I should 'go fuck myself.' Sorry, but that isn't happening. Not before I prove you that Tony is not worth being on your team. He is nothing more than a scared little boy, incapable of achieving anything. He doesn't deserve anything."

* * *

The white room morphed into a car with Jarvis driving and Tony next to him in the front seat. He was returning home from Rhodey's. Jarvis had come to pick him up and Tony hadn't protested when he saw the tense look on the butler's face. He had packed, said goodbye to Rhodey and left. Now they were driving quietly in the car. Tony was going to take his SAT scores any time now. He was going to go to college. He knew he had to return home sooner or later.

"What's wrong?" Tony said, the quiet had become unbearable real quick. "Did something happen?"

Jarvis answered, keeping his eyes on the road. "I have to tell you something, Tony. It's about Peggy."

"Oh, no, no, no. Did something happen to her? Is she dead?"

"No, she's not dead." Jarvis replied with an awfully calm tone.

Tony waited for a reply but when Jarvis didn't say anything, he shouted. "Why won't you tell me what's wrong?!" Jarvis pulled the car to the side of the road and looked at Tony. There was an unmistakable sign of sadness on his face, and his eyes were a little bit watery. "The doctors said that there was something wrong with her brain. She forgets, Tony. She gets confused about her daily routine, she can't remember the date and time of her meetings, she-"

"Dementia." Tony whispered. It seemed unreal.

Jarvis nodded silently and put his hand on Tony's shoulder as he buried his face in his hands.

"The doctors advised not telling her anything. The symptoms would become worse if she's aware of it."

Tony took deep breaths and tried to keep himself calm. He knew what was going to happen. She would forget and forget and forget until there's nothing to remember. She wouldn't recognize the people around her. She would probably forget Tony.

He sobbed into his hands and felt strong arms pulling him into a hug. They stayed like that, unsure of how many minutes had passed. When Tony pulled back, he saw tears on Jarvis' face, too.

"She'll be fine." Jarvis said as he wiped away his tears. "She's strong, she'll be fine."

"She'll be fine." Tony repeated to himself, and although how much he wanted to believe it, he knew it wasn't true.

They drove quietly to the house, neither of them speaking again.

* * *

He arrived at the house and walked upstairs quietly, not wanting to be seen by his father. It was going to be tough, since he had to pass by his workshop to get to his room. He tensed when he saw the door to the workshop was slightly open and the light was on. He focused on not breathing too loudly and taking small and quiet steps. The floor beneath him creaked and he stopped at an instant. He heard footsteps towards himself. There was no escape now. The door opened fully and Tony saw Howard standing in front of him.

"Anthony." he said, almost surprised to see him. "Come in."

Tony was a little shocked to hear the gentleness in his voice and stepped inside the workshop. He only remembered this place from his memories. He wasn't allowed in here when he was a kid. He would come in without knocking to show something he built to his father and would be shoved aside, shouted at and slapped for entering without permission.

The room now looked smaller than he remembered from his memories as a little child. There was a large table at the corner of the room filled with papers and blueprints. Howard sat in the chair behind the table and gestured Tony sit on one of the chairs in front of it. Tony sat and waited his father to say something. Howard pulled out two glasses and what looked like a very expensive bottle of whiskey from one of his drawers.

"Did Jarvis tell you?" Howard asked. There was a certain softness in his voice Tony thought he had never heard before.

Howard nodded and filled the glasses. He put one in front of Tony.

"I don't drink."

Howard laughed. "You got your stomach pumped because of alcohol poisoning two weeks ago. Of course you drink."

"Not anymore." Tony said quietly, making his hands into fists and trying to contain his anger.

"A real man knows his limits, Tony."

Tony wanted to laugh. "Just like what you have been doing in the past 15 years, then."

"Don't you dare talk back to me."

"Sorry, _sir_." He said, putting as much sarcasm as he can on 'sir'.

Howard looked furious now. "Listen to me you little-"

"No, you listen to me! I have dealt with your bullshit all my life and-"

Howard slammed the glass onto the table and jumped to his feet. "You didn't even see the worst of me yet, kid! You think yourself a hero, don't you? I have seen heroes, Tony. You are nowhere near to being one. You're nothing but a pathetic and worthless burden. You should have died in your mother's stomach just like your sister."

Tony felt himself tear up and got up from the chair. He turned around and walked towards the door quietly.

He exited the room and stood on the doorway, his back turned to Howard as he let tears fall down. All the anger, all the courage he had was placed with sadness by just a couple of sentences spoken by his father.

Sister, he had said. Tony was going to have a sister and she had died before birth. Nobody had even cared enough to tell him.

Just as he was closing the door, he heard the man's voice.

"Stark men don't cry."

He didn't bother to wipe away his tears as he shut the door.

* * *

A few hours had passed since Tony talked to Howard. He was lying on the bed with sheets on top of him, staring at the ceiling.

 _Is my life even worth living_ , he thought. _Would anyone even notice if I killed myself right here?_

He shook the thoughts away from his head. He got up thinking he could maybe walk around the garden, get some fresh air. He could sit under the old oak tree, feel the night wind on his face. He got up and started walking, but his thoughts got interrupted when he bumped into his mother in the hallway.

"Anthony." she said, almost smiling. She was wearing a soft, white dress and had a glass of champagne in her hand. She smelt exactly like Tony remembered from his memories. Suddenly he wanted to hug her, bury his head into her chest and have her wrap her arms around him, maybe stay like that for the rest of eternity.

Instead he said "Hey mom."

A full smile formed on her lips when she heard his voice and Tony could feel his heart warming up just at the sight of her. God, he had missed her mother. He missed the way she would read him bedtime stories and tuck him into bed. He missed the way she would play the piano just for him and he would listen to her all day. He missed the way she would hug him when he got hurt. He missed the way she would tell him everything would be alright and let him cry on her shoulder.

Tony could feel hot tears forming on his eyes so he cleared his throat and Maria's eyes slipped back on her child once again.

"Was I going to have a sister?" Tony asked, holding his breath as the look on his mother's face tensed.

"Who told you?"

"Dad." he simply said. _He was shouting at me for being pathetic, and said that I should have died just like my sister._

"I miscarried." She leaned closer to Tony and whispered. "I was going to name her Rose. She is buried in the cemetery next to my parents now."

Tony simply nodded and looked away. Nobody had cared enough to tell him.

A minute passed while Tony and Maria were still standing in the hallway. Maria broke the silence.

"How's school?"

Tony looked up to see his mother smiling to him, as if the conversation between them had never happened. "School's fine." he barely whispered.

"Good, good." She nodded. "That's really good." She took a sip of her champagne and walk past Tony, roaming the corridors of the house like an invisible ghost.

Tony didn't really blame her. She was on medication for nearly a decade.

He kept looking at her direction for a few seconds after she disappeared from sight. He wiped away a tear and started walking towards the large garden.

He sat under the oak tree and felt the wind brushing on his face. He closed his eyes. He hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep until Jarvis found him in the garden and woke him up the next morning.

* * *

Dr. Strange exited the room where he had been examining the Avengers. Rhodey and Pepper got up and walked towards him with hope in their eyes. Maria Hill appeared behind them, waiting for an explanation.

"This is like nothing I have ever seen before. There is a serious amount of energy in the room. All of the team is somehow connected to Mr. Stark's mind. It's almost like a force is extracting information out of his brain and transmitting it to the rest of the team."

Rhodey looked at the doctor, slightly confused. "What kind of information?"

The doctor stared at him for a couple of seconds that felt like an eternity to Rhodey. "Memories."

Pepper gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. "Are you saying that the team is trapped in Tony's mind and everyone is being forced to watch his memories?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Shit." was all that came out of Rhodey's mouth. He rubbed his eyes and sit on the closest chair.

Hill spoke without hesitation. "What do we do?"

"I may be able to trace the energy back to its source."

"Do it." Maria Hill commanded, and walked out.

"I need a few hours alone with them. After that, there is no point in keeping them in quarantine. Both of you can go and sit by his side."

Pepper tried to laugh, but it came out more like a sob. "Are you like, a magician or something?"

"Sort of." The doctor smiled and went back to the room, closed the curtains.

Pepper sat next to Rhodey and stared at the direction where Tony was laying in front of her eyes just a minute ago. They could do nothing but wait.

* * *

Somewhere far away from where the Avengers were being examined by Dr. Strange, far away from Tony's memories flooding into their minds, far away from SHIELD, a man was sitting in a chair, his eyes closed, mumbling something to himself. An older woman with scars and burns all over her body entered the room and shook the young man to wake him up. He simply opened his eyes and looked at her. He nodded, although no words were exchanged and walked out the door.

* * *

The team was sitting on their chairs in the white rooms, all of their conditions were slightly improved after their bodies were hooked into the machines in the SHIELD headquarters, which they didn't know anything about.

The voice spoke with a slight panic in his voice that the team never heard since they came here. "I'm going to have to leave you alone here for a couple of hours. At least you can chat and talk about your feelings while I'm gone."

Tony was the first one to feel him disappear. All this time, Tony had felt the sick man poking around in his brain and finally relaxed when his presence was no longer there. The rest of the team must have gone through the same experience because their expressions changed, everyone relaxed a little bit.

Nobody spoke for a little while. What would you say when someone was making you watch your friend's memories, and you realized that you never knew the man you called your friend at all?

The first one to break the silence was Clint. "You were adorable as a kid, Stark."

When had Clint started calling him 'Stark'? Tony turned his head towards Clint and looked at his eyes. His general expression had changed, although he was trying very hard to hide it. He looked at Tony like he was a fragile piece of glass, which would shatter instantly if you weren't careful. Clint had always been the one who had a darker sense of humor and joked more easily than the others. If Clint was looking at Tony like this, the rest of the team would be tiptoeing around him from now on.

"Do you mean I'm not adorable now?" Tony said, smiling. It wasn't the genuine smile, though. Not genuine like his smiles when he was with Rhodey, laughing at stupid jokes with him. Not like his smiles when he was with Pepper cuddled in the corner of the sofa, her head resting on his chest next to the arc reactor and his hand stroking her hair gently. It wasn't like what they have seen from the memories, when he was with Jarvis or with Aunt Peggy. It was the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist Tony Stark smile. He smiled this way in front of cameras, around people he didn't trust.

Clint didn't even bother to retort. Tony's patience was running out and although he didn't want to, he couldn't stop himself from saying what he wanted to say all along.

"All of you. Stop treating me like I'm glass that's going to shatter any minute. I'm still the same Tony and it doesn't make it any easier to cope when you all look at me like that."

Steve was the first person to look at him in the eye and try to speak comfortably, but his voice cracked. "Why didn't you ever tell me you knew Peggy?"

Tony hesitated for a second but then decided, fuck it. What do I have left to hide?

"I should have." Tony sighed deeply. "I didn't because I wasn't ready, I guess. It still hurts, you know. She doesn't even remember me anymore."

Steve stayed silent, not knowing how he should respond. Steve had received files on his friends after he was unfrozen, and found out that most of them were dead. He had known that Peggy had Alzheimer's, but had been too afraid to visit her. That seemed like a stupid mistake now.

"She remembers you, though. You should visit her, Steve. She loves you very much. You can tell by just the look on her face."

Steve's eyes met Tony's and it suddenly wasn't really hard to see the difference between the young boy from Tony's memories and the man in front of him. He was still the same, he had just learned to bury all of his feelings so deep nobody had suspected anything.

Steve realized he had been crying when he felt a tear fall from his cheek. He turned his head, not being able to handle the look on Tony's face anymore. Natasha put a comforting hand on Steve's shoulder as he silently cried.

Tony didn't know how many minutes passed until the voice came back. This whole being trapped inside a white room in your head thing was making it hard to be aware of the time.

"Sorry about the inconvenience. It appears SHIELD has been trying to find me." The voice said. A spark of hope passed Tony's eyes. "But don't worry, they won't be finding me anytime soon."

Tony took deep breaths and tried to free his hands where they were still tied to the back of the chair, which now seemed stupid. How was he supposed to escape his mind?

He closed his eyes. _Please don't make me go through this again, please don't make me go through this again, please don't make me go through this again._

"I'm sorry, Tony. No can do."

"Why am I still tied to the chair? It's not like I can go anywhere, right?"

The voice laughed. "It seemed more dramatic that way. I thought it would remind you of your days in Afghanistan." Tony winced.

"I hope you are ready for this, Tony. We wouldn't want you to break again, would we?"

 **I hope you enjoyed this. I'm so so so so sorry it's been so long, but I kept on writing and rewriting this chapter because I wasn't happy with the outcome. Then I just decided to post it since I made you guys wait like 2 weeks. I promise I will upload the next chapter sooner. Thanks to all of you that followed, favorited, reviewed, and took the time to read my story!**

 **Until next time!**


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